My favorite person Peter and I got married today, at 12 pm in the townhall in Heidelberg, this whimsical and beautiful city that seems so unreal and holds so many memories for both of us.
We got married after a very short time – having known each other for several years, there never was anything between us until November last year, when we met for a coffee and ended up sitting in the café for hours, talking and talking and talking. Peter told me later that there was one moment when his mind was taking a snapshot of me and he had a feeling that he wanted to hug me and be hugged by me. We got together by the end of November, and Peter asked me whether I would marry him eight days later. I said yes because I knew I had finally found the one person I want to spend my life with.
While neither Peter nor me had a single moment of doubt about our decision to marry, I was surprised by the turmoil that started around us when we told our families and friends about the marriage. Some of the things they said to me hurt me and made me sad, because it felt as if they did not know me as I actually am and did not have trust in me, and sometimes I thought what they said to me had more to do with themselves than with me and my relationship with Peter.
I am not the person to make important decisions on a whim, and I know what I want or do not want. I have always wished for having a companion in my life, there just never was anybody who came into question for this. And although I have been in relationships before, I never felt I wanted to marry the person I was with then, despite an honest wish to make the relationship work. But I always had a strange feeling in the very beginning already that something was not right, and it always turned out to be true.
This time, it is different. For the first time in my life, I feel that I have met somebody who is of the same kind as me, and I am ready to commit myself. And then there are those many little, endearing things I find with Peter … I find them in the way we communicate with each other and handle each other, which is very positive and kind. Our relationship is based on mutual support, trust, non-judgmental appreciation, and the willingness to work on ourselves and to face together whatever life will bring. This is why I know it will work out.
It it things like these:
- giving and allowing the other one to give
- taking an honest interest in how the other one feels and what he or she does and why
- being honest without being hurtful
- telling how you feel instead of telling the other one how he or she is like
- speaking about things in time instead of eating them up and then having them break out with a vengeance
- sharing your thoughts and feelings
- listening with attention and taking feelings seriously
- offering advice and support for the other one without imposing it on him or her
- regarding for the other one when you make decisions, and planning together
- opening up your senses and your heart and taking the other one just as he or she is, without judging or wanting to change him or her
- working on yourself and facing your stuff to become a healthier and happier person and a better partner for the one you are with
- not taking anything for granted and not expecting anything
- telling and showing the other one that you love him or her, every single day
So now I am married. It feels good. I have changed my name, but I will remain myself. In fact, I can even more be myself now, because the fears which used to bind me are loosening their grip. I feel meaningful and connected. I am not singular anymore.
When I look back at my life so far, with all the sorrow and struggles that accompanied it, I can say that I am thankful it prepared me for this. But now things have changed, and it is time for a new beginning.
Today is Day One.