My favorite person Peter and I got married today, at 12 pm in the townhall in Heidelberg, this whimsical and beautiful city that seems so unreal and holds so many memories for both of us.
We got married after a very short time – having known each other for several years, there never was anything between us until November last year, when we met for a coffee and ended up sitting in the café for hours, talking and talking and talking. Peter told me later that there was one moment when his mind was taking a snapshot of me and he had a feeling that he wanted to hug me and be hugged by me. We got together by the end of November, and Peter asked me whether I would marry him eight days later. I said yes because I knew I had finally found the one person I want to spend my life with.
While neither Peter nor me had a single moment of doubt about our decision to marry, I was surprised by the turmoil that started around us when we told our families and friends about the marriage. Some of the things they said to me hurt me and made me sad, because it felt as if they did not know me as I actually am and did not have trust in me, and sometimes I thought what they said to me had more to do with themselves than with me and my relationship with Peter.
I am not the person to make important decisions on a whim, and I know what I want or do not want. I have always wished for having a companion in my life, there just never was anybody who came into question for this. And although I have been in relationships before, I never felt I wanted to marry the person I was with then, despite an honest wish to make the relationship work. But I always had a strange feeling in the very beginning already that something was not right, and it always turned out to be true.
This time, it is different. For the first time in my life, I feel that I have met somebody who is of the same kind as me, and I am ready to commit myself. And then there are those many little, endearing things I find with Peter … I find them in the way we communicate with each other and handle each other, which is very positive and kind. Our relationship is based on mutual support, trust, non-judgmental appreciation, and the willingness to work on ourselves and to face together whatever life will bring. This is why I know it will work out.
It it things like these:
- giving and allowing the other one to give
- taking an honest interest in how the other one feels and what he or she does and why
- being honest without being hurtful
- telling how you feel instead of telling the other one how he or she is like
- speaking about things in time instead of eating them up and then having them break out with a vengeance
- sharing your thoughts and feelings
- listening with attention and taking feelings seriously
- offering advice and support for the other one without imposing it on him or her
- regarding for the other one when you make decisions, and planning together
- opening up your senses and your heart and taking the other one just as he or she is, without judging or wanting to change him or her
- working on yourself and facing your stuff to become a healthier and happier person and a better partner for the one you are with
- not taking anything for granted and not expecting anything
- telling and showing the other one that you love him or her, every single day
So now I am married. It feels good. I have changed my name, but I will remain myself. In fact, I can even more be myself now, because the fears which used to bind me are loosening their grip. I feel meaningful and connected. I am not singular anymore.
When I look back at my life so far, with all the sorrow and struggles that accompanied it, I can say that I am thankful it prepared me for this. But now things have changed, and it is time for a new beginning.
Today is Day One.
Hello Kath !!!!!
The best post I ever received !!!!�
C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S ! ! ! ! ! ! !�
I hope you’ll be happy all along your life both together !!
See you soon,
Fran�ois
Aww François, thank you so much!
Congrats!! So exciting Kath
Wish you both the best!!
Thank you, Katie!
Very surprised but also reaaallly happy for you! I think you made the right decision by listening to what you want and not letting other people influence this decision. Congratulations, Kath and Peter!
Thank you so much Clara, for being happy for Peter and me and for understanding our decision!
Congratulations! What a surprise!
Beautiful list of things that matter in love. I think you have practiced listening well to what your gut feelings are telling you, so that you just KNOW when you can rely on them confidently. I wish you both the best in your life together!
Thank you Par! It also makes me happy that you enjoyed this little list.
sometimes you Just. Know.
I could have written this – much of it I have already said to you… I have had the wonderful pleasure of getting to know you well over these years, and one thing I do know is you are incredibly thoughtful, Thought Full if you will, and you do not make most decisions without much thought.
Thoughts and thinking are really what you are all about, so when you told me your news, my immediate response was positive (okay, ECSTATIC) because I knew it was grounded in something real.
I am so SO very happy for you both, Kath and Peter! much love to you today. XO
You know me very well indeed, and you are a true friend. Thank you for being there. Much love to you! <3
What a beautiful post, I couldn’t be more excited for you and Peter! I totally know the feelings you described, the feeling of being a “couple”, and feeling of finding the right person for you. This is a wonderful time in your life, embrace it, enjoy it, and I wish you the very very best!
This is exactly it – the feeling of being a couple, of having a real connection with another person that is something on its own completely … I’ve never something before, and actually I didn’t know this existed. I know that love has been written and sung about countless time, but those descriptions rather made me eye-roll, and now I realize I just didn’t understand them at all, and took some surface impression for the real thing. But it’s totally different. It’s simply that there is other person who just belongs to me and I belong to him, and I can’t (and don’t want to!!!!!) go back to how it was before. Something has completely changed deeply within myself. I know you’ll understand what I mean.
It was 3 AM here when you two got married. I woke up but stayed in bed…and did my little happy dance for you, in the warmth of bed.
I am very happy for you both. You have put a lot of thought and intelligence into your decision. If I remember right you also knew each other for 4 years before becoming intimate. You’ve got some years of healing and education and life experiences so your quick decision to marry is grounded, in self knowing, having life skills already and having a lot of communication skills. Your list shows this. And I’m guessing that you’ve done a lot of clearing out of past junk so that you have clear perception and intuition as to what is right for you.
Other peoples’ concerns and negative feelings could mostly be their own projections of their experience, or cultural trends. It could also be genuine love and a REFLEXIVE reaction to protect…perhaps..but, not for me to judge.
Right before I met my guy (husband), a counselor told me that in John Gottman’s studies of what makes the difference between couples staying together and those who don’t is for the couples to have at least 5 positives for 1 negative in the relationship. His observation was that all couples have difficulties, but the ones that practiced daily kindness and affection and just seeing each others’ positives had a happy relationship, and were able to weather the difficulties.
It’s already clear that you and Peter already have that.
Blessings on you new life together.
xxoo
Aww you really woke up to do the dancing? That’s incredible! Awwwwww.
You’re right, we’ve known each other for 4 years before being together, and during that time I’ve gotten to know Peter as a very kind, reliable, and supportive person who really cares for others – and of course I also realized immediately that he was different from the other people around me. The decision to marry Peter was grounded in this solid basis of trust that was established in the years before. When spoke in private for the first time in November last year, we both felt that we had access to the essence of the other person, so I can say that we know each other how we really are.
I’ve read about the 5 positives to 1 negative ratio, and it makes sense to me. Peter and I are still learning one another, but the way we treat each other and speak with each other is very positive and appreciate and caring, so I know we’ll be very happy in our life together.
Congratulations and many blessings for you both as you begin this new journey.
Thank you so much!
Congrats darling!
Thank you, Becky! And as you saw on fb, I was old-fashioned and changed my name – but I always wanted to do that in case I’d marry. And I really like my new name!
I am so happy for you and Peter – I wish I could have been there to see your smiling faces! Being married is amazing. Welcome to the club
Aww, I wish you had been there! And you’re right, it does feel amazing! Happy happy happy to join the club!
Oh, Mrs.Kath – now, I’ll be calling you that instead of Master Kath! I was thinking of you the whole damn day! Couldn’t be more happier!
Last night me and my man here toasted some wine for your ever lasting happiness and love!
Please accept millions of our virtual hugs and kisses!
We love you, dear!
Mrs Kath, I like that!
Feels much more comfortable than Master Kath … 
So kind the two of you thought of Peter and me and made a toast on us! I so much wish you could have been there, but I’m sure we’re all going to meet sooner or later!
I am so so happy for you and Peter, Kath! Over the moon! I wish you both happiness and love and togetherness for years and years to come. I strongly feel you will be very happy. Love and hugs and congratulations xoxox
Thank you so much, Fi!
Ich schreib auf deutsch, weils schneller geht:
Ich freue mich sehr. Das alles klingt wundervoll. Wir sind seit 2 Monaten verheiratet (mein Mann ist 20 Jahre älter als ich, und die Hochzeit hat auch einiges ausgelöst um uns herum) und ich kann sagen: lasst euch eure intuition niemals von außen kaputt machen…und versucht, die missgunst um euch herum auszublenden. Wir waren zwar schon 4 jahre zusammen (kannten uns vorher nicht), sind aber inzwischen der Meinung, dass es keinen Unterschied gemacht hätte auch schon vorher zu heiraten. Genießt eure gemeinsame zeit, das leben wird durch das Gemeinsame von Tag zu Tag besser. Also. NOCH besser ( : entschuldige die Groß- Kleinschreibung, am Handy ist das eher lästig, especially if one is so excited ( : all the best! Maria
Liebe Maria, vielen vielen Dank für diesen lieben Kommentar und die Einblicke in dein Leben, die du darin gegeben hast! Dein Kommentar hat mich sehr gefreut und erleichtert! Ich hätte niemals mit soviel Aufregung und vor allem nicht mit den teilweise sehr kritischen Reaktionen gerechnet, das hat mich in den letzten Wochen sehr belastet und auch dazu geführt, einige private Kontakte für mich persönlich zu redefinieren und neu einzuordnen. Ich bin erleichtert, daß manche dieser Dinge mittlerweile dabei sind, sich zu klären, aber es braucht wahrscheinlich noch Zeit und persönliche Gespräche dafür. Ich denke, das Beste, was Peter und ich tun können, ist einfach, glücklich verheiratet zu sein – und da mache ich mir absolut keine Sorgen! Wir haben beide nicht einen Augenblick lang an unserer Entscheidung gezweifelt, und es fühlt sich alles so richtig an. Ich freue mich sehr, daß du und dein Mann auch diese Entscheidung füreinander getroffen habt, unabhängig davon, was andere gesagt haben! Und du hast recht: Das Leben fühlt sich nochmal besser an. Ich freue mich so sehr auf alles, was noch kommt!
I met my husband on an airplane quite a few years ago. I remember vividly walking into my flat that night and saying aloud to myself, “wow, I didn’t think I’d meet the one I’d marry this soon.” Here we are 2 houses, several countries and three kids later. Sometimes you just know.
Aww, this is such a wonderful story, Tammy! It is amazing that miracle stories like yours and mine happen indeed! Thank you so much for sharing!
And yes, that feeling to know. I had it as well. I can’t explain it any better, I just knew that I wanted to be with Peter and that it would be right. I’ve never felt something like that before.
I am so happy for you. So happy!
This entire article set my day into a mode of loveliness.
Gorgeous, Kath. Simply gorgeous!
Congratulations. xo
Thank you, Nicole! I’m all in the mood for loveliness right now.
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congratulations – I am very excited for you. It is funny how there is a standard view of love and marriage that we all must conform to and yet it seems to end in divorce so often anyway – so surely we need to be open to relationships that don’t fit the mold! Wishing you must happiness together!
Your comment hits the nail on its head! Those standard views of love and marriage is what I had to deal with quite a lot in the past weeks, and I must it was quite stressful for me. It’s in the moment of non-conformity that you realize the dimensionality of social pressure. And yet those standard don’t give you a guarantee for anything … It’s some kind of security thinking people seem to be driven by, to safeguard themselves again potential failures and negative experiences. But in the end, you have to risk something, otherwise you’ll remain with nothing but chances you haven’t acted on, and probably that’s the most miserable situation of all.
I LOVE this story. LOVE it. I hate to use the word because it feels so over-used and easily dispensed as to have lost some of the power of its meaning, but I can’t help myself: this is *perfect*. Couldn’t have happened to a better lady!
Aww, thank you so much! I just shared some details here, but I’ll you more about it in a private email soon.
Congratulations once again!
My love story started very similarly…. out of the blue too!
Godspeed.
Thank you, Rukmini! I loved to hear that you have a similar story with your husband. When you know you’ve met the right person, just go for it!
As you can see… I’m catching up all the news that I missed right now, Kath! I read from the recent posts and now here…
CONGRATULATIONS to you and Peter! Awww I’m so happy for you two! My husband and I were coworkers for 3 years before we started dating, and we knew we want to marry after 1 week (or was it 2 weeks?) too. We got engaged in 6 months and married in 9 months! Of course everyone was shocked… but we just know when we meet the right person. I’m really happy for you~~~~! Congrats again!! xoxoxo
Aww that’s a wonderful story, Nami! Thank you for sharing! It’s amazing how you suddenly just know that you have met the right person.
Hi Kath, I just can’t stop reading to catch up on all the good and exciting things that are happening in your life! I am so thrilled for you! All the things you listed are foundations for a positive healthy relationship. And I relate to the gratitude you feel for having been “prepared” by your past for this wonderful relationship. Our past teaches us things and makes us stronger. Sometimes, we won’t really know what sweetness is until we’ve tasted the bitter. Life is like that sometimes. I am so happy for you and I have such a big smile on my face just from catching up on your posts!! I am really glad that you are happy Kath!
I think you’re very right with what you said about the bitterness and sweetness of life. This was what I tried to tell myself when still tasting the bitterness mostly, and it helped me to endure. I also very much like the sweetness now!